Friday nonsense

Because it's Friday, I am somewhat over-excited. Nonetheless, enjoy this day! It's super blessed (coz weekend is near!)

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If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
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A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

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"Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog

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I fed some lemon to my cat and now I have a sour puss.

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The most important things in life aren't things.

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From an ex-nazi SS interrogator, now a watchmaker, to the clock that won't run and which he is repairing: "Ve haf vays off making you tock!"

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Two robins are lying on their backs, soaking up some sun.
A Mama cat and her kitten come walking by.
The kitten complains, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we eat?"
The Mama cat, spying the 2 birds replies, "How about some baskin' robins?"

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Two guys sitting at a bar, chatting about dogs,
and trying to out-do each other.
1st guy : ''I taught my dog to read.''
2nd guy : ''I know. My dog told me that yesterday.

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What kind of flowers do you give to King Tut? ... chrysanthemummies.

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What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light
and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The colour.

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Every writer has received rejection slips; too many of them for most. This may be the "mother of all rejection slips," translated from a Chinese economic journal. It goes like this:
"We have read your manuscript with boundless delight. If we were to publish your paper, it would be impossible for us to publish any work of lower standard. And as it is unthinkable that in the next thousand years we shall see its equal, we are, to our regret, compelled to return your divine composition, and to beg you a thousand times to overlook our short sight and timidity."

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When I die I want to be asleep like my grandfather was. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

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What did one eye say to the other ?
A. Just between you and me ... there's something that smells.

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