Surprise.

This is my last day of work.
For year 2007.

Was supposed to go on leave 2 days from now.
But since I have annual leave left, might as well FINISH 'EM OFF!

So, WOOHOO PHEWEETT!
I'm free!
Holiday starts the moment I step out of the office.

Now, let me drain out my remaining '2007 brain juice'.
Need to finish everything on my desk.

Gulp. Late night tonight.

What's the meaning...

On the way to work this morning...

Bf: Let's go get breakfast.
Me: Ok.

Bf: This shop's 'siew mai' (steamed shrimp + pork dumpling) is not nice.
What do you wanna eat?
Me: Anything.

Bf: So, you want 'char siew pao' (pork bun)?
Me: No.

Bf: I thought you said "Anything?"
Me: (Silent)

Bf: What do you wanna eat?
Me: 'Siew mai'.

Car door opens.
I heard Bf mumbled in bewilderment,
"Argh... What's the meaning of 'Anything'?"

Haha. In this case, I also don't know.

Counting the days...

It's been months since I last saw my family.

My mum and I are those super 'emo' type of people.
Sometimes, we miss each other so much, that
over the phone,
I can hear her sobbing.
Of course, upon hearing that, I'll cry too.
Wanted so much to give her a hug. But can't.

Sigh.
But I sure can now!
In a few days, they'll be in KL.
It's like the best Christmas gift. Ever.

And yes.
I'll be taking leave to spend some quality time with them.
Now, I just have to pull through 4 more working days!

Four.
Less than a handful of days.
And I'll be reunited with my family.

When was the last time you see your loved ones?
I can't wait to see mine.
Can't wait.

Why I love Christmas - Part IV

He couldn't tie his shoelaces.
Nor could he feed himself.
But Alonzo Clemons can mold clay
into amazingly detailed animal figures -
they are correct in every detail.

Every fibre, every muscle is accurate.

Alonzo is an artistic savant.
"He was always trying to sculpt things as a child.
But I didn't realise what he was doing", says Alonzo's mother, Evelyn Clemons.

Suffering brain damage after a fall,
3-year-old Alonzo became severely disabled.
But even as a child, he can see a fast-moving image of an animal on tv,
and in less than 20 minutes, sculpt a perfect replica of that animal in 3D.
Only with his hand. 100% accurately.

According to experts, Alonzo, like other savants,
can't help but do what they do (e.g. some could resist counting).
In Alonzo's case, sculpting is a compulsion from his brain.
It's not a choice. He can't help but sculpt all the time.

Take a look at Alonzo here:




Pam Driscol, owner of Driscol gallery has been helping Alonzo manage his career
as an artist by getting his work featured in the World Premier.
This has increased Alonzo's self esteem tremendously.

The most famous piece from Alonzo is the
life-size bronze sculpture - Three Frolicking Foals.



Alonzo's artistic ability has sort of 'reclaimed' himself.
Now, he is an established artist.
His vocabulary has expanded,
he supports himself well by selling his sculptures.
and he is more and more comfortable socially.
Not only that, he now lives independently.

"God takes, but God gives so much in return, "says Mrs. Clemons.

Argh! I'm going crazy.
(Gasp! Maybe then I'll turn into a genius!)
These people are so amazing right?
I never knew they ever existed.

We live in such a breathtaking world.
Everyday, there are new opportunities to prove that.
There're such much that we don't know,
Things about our world. About this whole universe. About others. And ourselves.

Why I love Christmas - Part III

My friend finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Sat!
So happy for her.

Now, let's continue.
If you want to know the context of why I'm writing what I'm writing,
scroll down to read Part I & II before you read on.









In this post, I'd like to blog about
the most famous savant on earth - Kim Peek.

If you've watched the movie, Rain Man,
well, Kim Peek was the inspiration of that 1988 Oscar-winning movie.
I highly recommend that you watch it.

"I may be the star, but you are the heavens"
That's what Dustin Hoffman, the main actor of Rain Man said to Kim.
Dustin subsequently gave his Oscar statue as a gift to Kim.
That was also the movie which has changed Kim Peek's life.

Prior to the movie, Kim can never look at people's eyes when communicating with others.
After the movie, he's found the self esteem to look at people's eyes.

He was born on November 11, 1951.
He had an enlarged head,
an encephalocele (brain defect)
and an absent corpus callosum (the connector between the left and right brain)

Fran Peek, Kim's dad was advised to dump him in an institution,
and forget about him.
Because he's described as 'severely mentally retarded',
and will never ever be able to learn.

But Fran was determined to raise him up with his wife, nonetheless.
Kim did not walk until he was 4 years old.
But Fran said, at the age of 16 - 20 months,
Kim was already able to memorise every book that was read to him.

When he's slightly older, he was also obsessed with numbers and arithmetic.
He read the telephone directories, ZIP codes, calendars,
and enjoys totalling up the numbers on car no. plates.

His parents would move Kim's finger along each sentence being read.
Kim would then memorise a book after a single reading.
Then, he'll put it aside, upside down. So no one would read it to him again.
He still does that up to today.

The local library is Kim's favourite place in the world.
He reads up to 8 books in a day. And he reads at a phenomenal speed.
One page which takes you or I three minutes to finish,
Kim take 10 seconds.

That's because he reads the left page with his left eye.
And the right page with his right eye.
After reading, they tested his memory.
His brain retained 98% of the book.
He even remembers the page numbers correctly!

He's really good at calendar calculations.
If you tell him your birth date & year,
He can tell you this:
1. Significant events that happened on the day of your birth
2. The day which you were born on
3. The day on which your birthday will fall on that present year
4. The day which you will turn 65, so you can think about retiring

Today, he is called, "Kim-puter".
Or described as the "Walking Google".

He's now 56 years old.
And he's a genius in about 15 different subjects.
(To name a few, history, literature, geography, numbers,
sports, music and dates).
But he's still severely limited in other ways,
e.g. not being able to dress himself.

Here's a video about Kim:






After reading and posting about all these people,
I realised that many of them are highly at risk
of being aborted, dumped, given away or institutionalised (some of them did).

But because their parents (or either one of the parent)
refused to give up caring for them, God rewarded them by
giving amazing gifts to these children.
It must have taken a lot of courage to take these kids in.

Sometimes, I wonder,
"What would I do,
if God has given me a defected child?"

I have to admit,
I shuddered at the thought.
Christian or not, at this moment,
I still struggle to come up with an answer.

Why I love Christmas - Part II

Scroll down to read Part I if you haven't done that already.

Just so you know, my next few posts will still be about people.

Less than ordinary people.
People who makes me feel thankful for what God has given me.
People who helps me stop complaining.
People who humbles me.

Today, I'll talk about Ben Underwood.
His eyes are removed because of cancer 2 weeks before his 3rd birthday.
He has no guide-dogs.
He doesn't use a cane.
But he can see. With his ears.

Ben makes a short click sound that bounces back from objects.
Amazingly, his ears pick up the echo, letting him know where the objects are.
This ability is called echolocation,
the same skill that bats or dolphins have.

God is gracious.

For Ben, his eyes were taken away from him. But what was given back to him was another form of 'sight'.

Why I love Christmas - Part I

Met with a dear friend last night.
Merely few hours of meeting.
But I've brought home bucket loads of blessings.

My pregnant friend is going to pop anytime soon (most probably within the next few days).
Time flies amazingly fast.
I last saw her during her wedding end of last year.
And within the next few days, she'll be a mummy!

All of us, girls, fascinated by her bulging tummy,
gathered around to 'attempt' interaction with the 'soon-to-be-born' baby girl inside.

It was a great experience, feeling the movement inside a layer of skin.
Ahh... the human anatomy...
The genius of it... I can never comprehend.

Which brings me here to this 'partially-forsaken' blog.
Since Christmas is near,
I want to 'pen' (ahem, ok, type) down some thoughts about it.

I figured, what better way to start than to document on how I feel about my amazing God,
the creator of all things, the One who sent Jesus to die for us.

Yes, very religious I know.
But I can't help it. Shoot me.
My heart is just overwhelmed with thankfulness.

What inspired this post is my soon-to-be-mother friend,
But what pushed me to the point of no return to write this is - Leslie Lemke

Leslie was born prematurely in America, and was diagnosed with
glaucoma (optic nerve disease),
cerebral palsy (a disease that affects human development),
and brain damage.

His eyes had to be surgically removed in the first months of life.
And his birth mother subsequently gave him up for adoption.

A nurse named May Lemke adopted him when he was 6 months old.
She forced food down his throat because he doesn't know how to swallow,
and taught him how to make sounds so he could communicate.

When he was able, May literally strapped his fragile body to hers,
teaching him how, one step at a time, to walk.

She put his hands over hers as she played simple tunes on a piano she got for him.
And she sang to him.

7 years passed by, Lemke showed very little progress.
He made no sounds, shows no emotions, and little movements.

He first learnt to stand on his own two feet when he was 12 years old.
First step was taken when he was 15.

But, one day, when he was 14,
May Lemke woke up early in the morning,
when she heard someone playing Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 on the piano.

It was Leslie.
Someone who is blind, severely retarded, and can barely walk,
playing the musical piece from start to finish without any mistake.
He had only heard the piece once on television.

God's miracle, May said, came into full bloom that day.
From then on, Leslie was playing all styles of music.
He never had any piano lesson.
And all the music he played, he only heard them ONCE.

Today, he not only plays, but also improvises and composes.
He is identified as an autistic savant, though severely retarded, he'd shown that he too can create. If you've been watching the tv series, 'Heroes', I think Leslie is a hero with an amazing ability too.

May has passed away in 1993. But her daughter Mary continues to take care and cared for Leslie. Because May has vowed that Leslie will never be institutionalised, and he never was.

This is the most recent video that I can find of Leslie.
Accompanied by Mary in his performance.



Before she passed away, Morley Safer interviewed May and asked her how can Leslie do what he does. She said, "Well, I think, because the brain was damaged, a part of the brain — but the musical part — God left it perfectly healthy and beautiful so that Leslie could have a talent. And he got it!"

* A savant is a handicapped person who has skill(s) that would be remarkable even if they were to occur in a normal person. There are probably less than 100 savants described in this last century. Leslie is one in a billion.


I give praise to God for Leslie,
and I thank Him that you and I are born perfectly normal.

Beautiful Colour Blindness

I love this TVC. =)

Nada.

Can't believe I haven't posted in more than a month.
It's just so sucky. Trying to juggle between life, work, and well, everything.

But I'm alive.
So, it's just a matter of time for me to get back to this discipline.

It's a real comfort to know that there're still people clicking on this blog during my absence.
Faithfulness? Yeah. I think it is. Thank you.

Fight for kisses.

This ad is so cute! Must view.

Psst... I'm quite free. Which explains why so many posts are up today. Since chances like these don't come very often, thought I should fatten up my blog with more posts while I can. =)

Yum-mice

I think the pictures and title are quite self-explanatory.

Lesson to be learnt:
When dining in China, make sure they serve you real chickens.

Play hide-and-seek with your bald patch

Say buh-bye to expensive hair transplants, hair growth or hair restoration treatments!

30 reasons why I love Malaysia

Some time ago, Wai Nyan suggested that I write this (since it's Malaysia's 50th Merdeka this year). He suggested 50 reasons actually. I tried. But got stuck by the time I reach 30. Maybe I'll add if I can think of more. =P

For the longest time, I've been procrastinating (but National Day is coming in 2 days' time. Can't do that anymore!) So, here goes, my beloved land. This post is for you.


Reasons to love my country:

1. Food - Colour, spices, variety. You name it, we have it.

2. Multi-racial - It's not easy to live together in peace but Malaysia is really quite harmonious compared to other multi-racial countries.

3. Rich culture - The cultural heritage in this country is very captivating. That's why we see so many tourists during the festive seasons.

4. Holidays - While we're on the topic of culture and festive celebrations, how can I not mention the numerous holidays in this country! Love 'em.

5. Fashion - Yes, I know our fashion is no houte couture here. But hey, don't you think batik and nyonya kebayas are really lovely?

6. Language - Because this is a multi-racial country, most of us can speak/write more than 1 language. Definitely comes in handy when you wanna criticise 'ang mo's, just use a language they don't understand lah! Ahh... dialects = mos codes.

7. Islands - We have one of the most beautiful islands in this country.

8. Mount Kinabalu - Be proud. We have the 2nd highest mountain in South East Asia.

9. Orangutans - One of the smartest in the animal kingdom.

10. Exotic meat - Ever eaten crocodile meat? Dog meat? Cat meat? Monkey brain etc? Find it on a Malaysian's plate.

11. Forest habitat - About 70% of Malaysia consists of tropical rain forest. I'm proud of that fact. Psst.. Singapore has no forest! (Booo...) =p

12. Water - Yup. We have enough clean water for consumption. Ahem, don't need to buy from other countries.

13. Cool caves - We have the Largest Cave in the World - Mulu Cave in Sarawak. And also numerous small ones that are formed over 40,000 years ago!

14. Sabah - Yes. I'm biased. But a country with a state like Sabah must be loved and appreciated.

15. Petrol - Darn. Hate the price hike, but truth is, petrol prices here is still one of the cheapest in the world.

16. Cost of living - Consider quite manageable. World's most expensive country to live in ranking: 1. Norway, 2. Denmark, 3. Japan.

17. Weather - Apart from the occasional haze, weather here is pretty straightforward. One season only.

18. Passport - One of the most flexible passports in the world. Hhmmm... must plan my next holiday trip.

19. Natural resources - That's why our country is considered 'rich'.

20. Hot springs - This is a crazy land with natural saunas. Some are even free! That's why I love it.

21. Religion - Freedom of worship. Can't complain. Compared to other staunch muslim countries, we have much more freedom.

22. Tropical fruits- Ahh... Durian, Mangoesteen, Banana, Langsat, Pineapple... Slurp*

23. Pirates - Not the ones on the sea but the 'angels of entertainment', supplying your daily dosage of TV series and movies.

24. Twin Towers - The world's 2nd tallest building, the world's tallest twin towers.

25. Ringgit Malaysia - Our currency made a 'comeback' (well, sort of) after the disastrous economic downturn in 1997.

26. No war - From 26 - 30, it's all quite self explanatory.

27. No killer earthquakes

28. No typhoon

29. No sandstorm

30. No volcanic eruptions

Mercy.

My heart resonated with a picture I've stumbled on the net.

Sometimes, I feel exactly like that baby seal at my workplace.
Sigh... O poor soul of mine, if Ye my light, salvation and strength, whom shall I fear?

Why, oh why?

I think I'm tired.
It's so hard to blog without motivation.

Don't know why but I keep feeling I have other things to do,
even though I'm not exactly doing anything.

Not making any sense, I know. Maybe because it's just an excuse.
Funny thing is, I don't even know why I'm typing away now.

As in the case of many things in life.
I realised how much I tend to act depending on how I feel.

Sigh. Totally hate that side of myself. Sounds like someone who has no discipline. Whatsoever.
Coupled that with an 'even more serious issue' and what you get is a prolonged hiatus of blogging inactivity.

That 'even more serious issue' is called - sense of insignificance.

Particularly today, I feel extremely small.
Totally insignificant.
It's one of those days that I'm thinking:

"What have I done today that has added value in anyone's life".
"Is advertising even important? Can it free Taliban hostages?"
"Can what I blog about make any difference in anyone's life?"
"Why are biographies of others' lives so much more interesting than my own?"

I'm quarter of a century old.
And I'm starting to get restless about life.

E.g.
If I read about some young high school dropout earning 3 zeroes more than me selling organic vegetables in his father's farm, I feel as if someone's punched me in the stomach and wrote "This is what you get for being a writer!" on my face. =(

And if I see someone around my age, waving her hand with a ring sitting on the 4th finger, I feel like pulling my eyeballs out and have someone send me to the monastery.

Crap! I'm so not thinking straight right now. Can't blame me!
A wisp of smoke from someone's nostrils just rested on my head.


Conclusion:
For clouded judgment, be a writer in an advertising agency.

How hard is it to win cash? How hard is it to copy & paste?

This is undoubtly the craziest thing I've ever seen (almost too good to be true, but faith and greed tells me that it is FOR REAL!)

Over at Ashwin’s blog, you will find one crazy blog owner!! You can win $2500!! To enter just copy this text and paste it in your blog!! But hurry, this competition will not last long! So get posting!

Competition ends 20th August 2007. So, if I didn't win it already, you can still stand a chance to grab the cash! =]

Can you do that?

Na-ah. Gosh, it's harder than I thought!
You try?

PIGeon.

A row of dodgy electrical components shop in front.
Sitting in the car.
Waiting for bf.

Suddenly, two creatures caught my eye.
A slender, reddish-feathered pigeon.
And a fat male. (I presume no gay-ism among them, if not, pigeons extinct lor)

Poor little birdie was being stalked.
She looked terrified.
Can't blame her.

Fat male looked like he just came out from a shower in the drain.
Black-ish, dirty-looking plus ruffled feathers.
I bet he didn't look in the mirror this morning.
Like that how to 'kau' (court) pretty girls?

Anyway, poor birdie 'ketam-walked' (walked horizontally) along the electrical wire.
Fat dude quickly followed.
She walked one step away, he walked 3 steps closer.

Until his fat tummy bumped her nice sleek tail. She can't tahan dy.
* Imagine a fat, oily old man touching your butt. Eww... * shudder.

She flew off to escape him.
Fat dude took up pursuit.
But not before taking 3 running steps to pick up momentum.
(Sigh, long time never fly izzit?)

Poor little pigeon lady... FLY FOR YOUR LIFE. (plz don't get raped!)
After circling few rounds, she landed around the same spot.
Excited fat dude swells his throat and calls out to her.

She quickly hid herself behind the signboard of the shop.
Fat dude crash landed and tried to squeeze himself in. Ahahaha... Cannot.

His hormones kept him guarding the entrance.
Preventing other 'real prince charming in white feathers from snatching her away.

Circling like a big bad wolf outside the little pig's house,
He calls out to her and dances clumsily outside the signboard.
To no avail, girl won't come out.

Meanwhile, nearby, another pair is doing a little courtship dance.
This female is slightly plumper.
The male is handsome.
Feathers neatly groomed, he stood like a gentleman and sang to the lady.

She tried to look away, pretending he's not there.
But I think she's really interested. Because she often steals glances at him.
Ah... Handsome bird, looks like you won't be sleeping alone tonight.

Finally, bf came back.
I smiled at him and said, "It's mating season".
His wide eyes glow with delight.

Talking about birds lah. You think what?

I have a soft spot for dogs.

Aww... Can you blame me for loving them?




An update on life:
Life sucks a little on weekends (coz it's so short).
Life sucks a lot on Mondays (and every week day).
- Now you know why I don't feel like blogging -

This can be disturbing. (Yet humbling at the same time)

Jaw-dropping guaranteed.

Think. No, don't think.

Worry.
Doubt.
Confusion.
Depression.
Condemnation.

I've got to destroy all this, or risk losing my mind.

Some smart ass said this sometime ago, "The mind is the battle field."
How apt! Sheesh... why am I worrying / thinking about things that are seemingly important when they're actually not?

Seriously! Am I nuts? Try looking at them in comparison!
Writing a kick-ass headline vs. Helping starving down-to-bones kids

Self-centered me. Get lost.
My heart demands that you give me back my beautiful mind!

A Week's Dosage of Drama

The past few days have been so unbelievable at work. Here, have a moment with chipmunk.

Power Voice Friday

Everyone, let's hear it from Britain's Got Talent's 6-year-old contestant, Connie Talbot.

Slug.

Just came back from Bangkok.

3 random questions came into my head when I mention that place:
Why do they provide better public transport, when we're supposed to be richer?
Why is their country cleaner than ours?
Why did they link few of their malls together and we can't?

Why, oh why?

The trillions of cells in my system scream in response:
"Sorry dudette, you're not born in a smart country."

Please. Marry merrily.

Girl,
Do you really know who you're marrying?
You're so pretty, you can have many options, why marry someone you barely know?
Is he really the one whom you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Do you know him enough to let him take care of you for as long as you live?
Do you think he'll be a good father to your children?
Can he be faithful to you till death do you part?
Does he know the real you?
Will you be happy?

All these questions kept screaming in my head for the past few days. I just flew back to hometown last week to attend a 'I have no choice' wedding.

Everyone seemed smart enough NOT to say anything, but it's pretty obvious, she's pregnant. And they knew each other for only 6 months.

Holding a wedding became a pressing 'need', not an option. And this breaks my heart.

Guy,
Only one question for you.
Do you really love her?


My thought thereafter:
Many loved. But few loved enough to wait.

In my opinion, love is first patient, then only it is kind, does not envy, does not boast etc... Take away that first prerequisite of love, and 'love' is no longer love.

What has the world become?

This article shocked my being when I first read it on Monday. Have been trying to think of what I want to say but somehow feel too distraught to even blog about it. However, I feel it's foolish if all of us continue to live lives, not aware of things that are happening near us, slightly further from us, or on planet earth itself.

So, what exactly disturbed me till I'm lost for words? BUG CHASING.

Read on. No one writes it better than what has already been written in the article in Oracle.com. What I merely did was reparagraphed and highlighted it, so that it becomes a more bite-sized read for you.

Bug Chasing: The Shocking Quest To Become HIV-Positive

“Conversion” is a term invented in the 1990s for the fetish of a small minority of gay men wanting to become infected with HIV. Various gay websites have chat rooms devoted to “Bug Chasers,” looking specifically to have unprotected sex with HIV-positive men.

According to Didier, who tells this story, and others, there are "conversion parties" are where these like-minded people gather together to pursue their goal. It is thought that these men wish to become infected with HIV because they feel guilty or left out because many of their friends are HIV-positive.

Others have a fatalistic attitude about becoming HIV-positive and want to stop worrying about when they might become infected in the course of time. I interviewed two habitués to conversion parties, Luis and Didier. Here they give the inside story to Orato:

Didier: I had to look for a while before I found a way to get HIV. Then, finally, I got the “opportunity” I was hoping for. I read in one of the chat rooms for gays I used to check out that there was going to be a "conversion party" on the weekend. I told them I wanted to go and, after a few e-mails back and forth, I was given the green light.

We agreed to meet at a council flat in south London. The night was cold. The furniture in the flat had been rearranged in order to accommodate the crowd - fourteen muscular gay men in their mid- thirties. A flat screen television, which dominated the room, was playing porno movies. Drinks and snacks were set out in a big coffee table, just as in a regular party. Six frenzied hours of uninterrupted sex, drugs and alcohol.

At the end of the night, the crowd began to slowly dwindle. Some left, a few fell asleep on a couch, the master bedroom, or any other suitable corner. But I was in the toilet. Even though the small tiled room was cold, I was sweating because of the cocktail of Ecstasy, cocaine, marijuana and vodka I had taken. As I looked at myself at the mirror, I knew that I had got what I had come for.

Two months later, the doctor in the Saint Mary’s Hospital told me I was HIV-positive.
Why did I do it? It’s never been because I wanted to commit suicide and end my life just like that. I guess I was going through a very difficult period in my life on a mental and spiritual level.
I arrived in London in 1998, when I was 25 years old. Born in a small provincial town in southern France, I decided to move to London attracted not only by its trendy gay scene, but also by the prospect of getting myself started as a professional interior designer.

After a couple of years, I realized that London was too tough a place to start my career. Instead, I immersed myself in the gay underworld.

The distractions of the gay Mecca of Europe were too many. My life turned into a series of sexual escapades that spiraled into a circle of self-destruction.

Now I see that I was hoping to get HIV in order to value more the life that I had been given. When my sister had an abortion and decided to terminate my nephew’s life no one wrote an article about it. Why? Thousands of women do the same every day all over the world and that’s not news. I’m not saying that what I did was the right thing. All I’m saying is that at least I was dealing with my own life, not somebody else’s.

*****
Didier is not, unfortunately, an exceptional case. Not long after I met Didier, I encountered Luis. Travelling twice or three times a month around Europe, Spanish-born Luis is a regular attendee at bareback parties.

He said he had looked for HIV without really knowing it:
“How so?” I asked. “Barebacking,” he said.

Luis explained me that barebacking is a term gay men use to refer to having unprotected sex. Even though mostly kept a secret from the gay mainstream, barebacking parties in cities such as London, Berlin or Paris are becoming quite common. Most of these reunions are usually linked to the roughest side of the scene, where sexual fetishes such as leather and S&M are aboard.

Here’s what he told me:

*****
Luis: I understand why these barebacking parties are becoming so popular. Ever since HIV/AIDS stopped being a death sentence, the virus slowly became another fetish. If someone produces a condom during the course of one of those parties, he will kindly be asked to leave the premises. His behavior doesn’t meet the dress-code criteria of the group.

I confess I have never used a condom. I was with a partner for 19 years and during the last seven years of our relationship, when my partner was diagnosed with AIDS until he died, we never stopped having unsafe sex.

It was my responsibility if I got it or not. But after thirty years of barebacking, I hadn’t got the bug. Then doctors discovered that I am immune to it. I have a protein in my T cells called Delta 32CRR5 that stops the virus from infecting me. They say I’m one in a million.

This didn’t stop me from attending barebacking parties. Maybe it lost a bit of the appeal, but it’s still thrilling. I believe that barebacking will continue to increase. Since AIDS is no longer such a deadly disease, lots of people are simply fed up with using condoms. There will come a time when there will be more positive than negative people, at least among gay men. The reason? As far as I know, the vast majority of heterosexual people are very puritanical and they don’t give sex the same priority we gays do. And on the other hand, they tend to be much more hypocritical.

Most HIV-positive heterosexuals don’t disclose it, whereas most gay men do.
In my particular case I get incredibly excited when having sex with HIV-positive men, even knowing I can’t get AIDS.

In bareback parties, you don’t talk about HIV because is not necessary. However, discussing about the topic during these parties adds to the eroticism of the experience.

Didier: The danger of getting other sexually transmitted diseases such as Hepatitis B or C does not frighten me. The risk is always there, but I strike a balance between having what I consider to be a low quality sex (with condoms) and risking something else. And I choose the latter. I am fully aware of the consequences. I take it as a game, and I play my part.

I do think all barebackers are a bit crazy, but on the other hand there are so many things that you shouldn’t do because they are dangerous, like smoking. With HIV re-infection, you are always gambling. They say that it is possible but not easy. See: if a person is re-infected with a strain of HIV that is different from the ones already present or if a mutated HIV type is introduced into the body through unsafe sex, treatment will be much more complex and potentially ineffective.

You can also try to get infected with the Type 2 HIV by having sex with people from Central Africa.

I know heterosexuals do bareback, but bug chasing and conversion are exclusively gay. Gays have a wider range of sexual behaviors. It is very different in the heterosexual community because they are mostly driven by what society tells them to do when having sex. Women are told not to have sex outside marriage and control when heterosexual men have sex and when not.

Luis: On average, heterosexuals get less than half the sex we gay people get, and in a much more irregular and controlled way. It is a parallel world we live in. They live in a shoe box and we live in a big room. For straight men, women are the biggest impediment to more sexual variety because women don’t allow it. That forces men to go with prostitutes. We gays are completely different.

I also know there are many people who think that we, the so called “bug chasers,” are absolutely mad. I once met one of those people. His name was José María González. He regularly attended meetings at Barcelona-based “Gais Posisitus” (Positive Gays), an organization that fights HIV/AIDS and teaches gay men about safe sex. José María had suffered from full-blown AIDS since 1991. He said once that if any gay man knew what’s like to be through what he has been through, we wouldn’t dream of playing such a dangerous game.

I don’t think he gets it. The closeness to extreme danger gives me a high. I get checked by my doctor regularly. My T-cell count is quite high and I have a manageable viral load. To be honest, I just don’t know what I will do the day science finds a cure for the virus. I guess I will have to find a new fetish. Being HIV-positive will be like having the common flu. But I can’t think of this now. Today, we still live in a society that’s very afraid of AIDS. It is possible that someday barebacking will be much less erotic. I would like to say that I’m not afraid of death anymore.

Some people choose to drop themselves from the Niagara Falls inside a barrel, others play Russian roulette. I chose to get HIV.



Bravo for reading till the end. One of the reason why this story sends a chill down my spine is because of this: If in my generation, people are already so peverse and twisted, what will happen in my children or my children's children's generation? Sigh. That's why I titled this post 'What has the world become?'

My conclusion? Change the world, or be changed.

Too ambitious? Yeah, perhaps. Well, at least I'm going to do something about it. Haha.

Hey, I'm not trying to change the world only for myself and my children. I'm doing for yours too... Think about it.

Cool Discovery: Advertising isn't just a sin, it's SINS.

The 7 deadly sins just got 'deadlier'.

Quite an interesting way to put things. According to the brain behind this diagram, Advertising is a combination of Greed + Envy. How apt.

Anyway, maybe it's time I look for a new job.

Ahem, anyone hiring angels?

Weird-ies

Interesting things I've found on the net.

'Mini' desk.

Radio Toaster.

Talking Lips Speakers

(It synchronises with the sound of your mobile phone or online chat conversations).

Rat race clock.

Cup Noodle Stove.

The Day Before.

I just realised that I have not blogged for almost 2 weeks!
Wow.

Anyway, just feeling like sharing these pictures.
I've been touched by them today. Hope they will touch you too.



Monday, 10 September 2001 - The world can change in a day. Don't miss your daily edition of in-depth news (a day before the 9/11 terrorist attack)


Sunday, 5 August 1945 - The world can change in a day. Don't miss your daily edition of in-depth news (a day before the Hiroshima Bombing)


Thursday, 21 November 1963 - The world can change in a day. Don't miss your daily edition of in-depth news (a day before the JFK assassination)


Song in my mind: "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow".